


Spell: Love.

by r0tkappchen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 03:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16568915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0tkappchen/pseuds/r0tkappchen
Summary: Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin are two perfectly imperfect souls in search of love.





	Spell: Love.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this over a year ago. this is me being experimental. and talking shit that probably doesn't make sense but whatever uwu.

L: Lemons

_The golden outside; it hides the sourness inside._

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo is in love,

 

with the idea of being in love.

 

 

 

He dreams of spending days dancing with his partner under the sun, laughing together under the rain. On lonely nights in bed he wonders what it would be like to have someone beside him, exchanging whispered words with him beneath warm blankets, to kiss him goodnight and hold him close all the time it takes for night to bleed into day – waking up in the morning to tangled limbs and bed hair and bad breath.

 

Are there really fireworks going off everytime two pairs of lips would meet? Are there really butterflies fluttering in the depths of his guts everytime touches linger, skin on skin?

 

And so he yearns; to have someone see him beyond his outer appearance, to love him despite his plain looks and plain figure, to look at him differently for who he really is inside. And to have someone Kyungsoo would devote himself to, for however long their love will last.

 

( _Forever_ , he hopes, for true love never truly dies.)

 

To love someone, and to let himself be loved, means to accept someone, and to let himself be accepted – all flaws received with open minds and open hearts. To love means to have all and give all, imperfections molded with values to create something supposedly beautiful to the eyes of two people with tied souls.

 

Love is a big thing, Kyungsoo knows.

 

 

 

There's a lot more he sees in _love_ , yet a lot more he doesn't know; a lot more he is eager to discover. Eager to feel.

 

And so Kyungsoo looks for it.

 

Twenty-five and young, Do Kyungsoo jumps from one relationship to another in search of this so-called love. He gets to know people, goes out on dates, dives into these relationships only to find them short-lived, breaking it off once he and his partner – man or woman – realise that neither of them can offer what the other is searching for.

 

He is not a playboy, no. Kyungsoo doesn't play with people's feelings. He values them as he values his own. And since love demands devotion and loyalty, he gives exactly that to whoever he is with, so he never cheats and never sleeps around because being in love means his heart, body and soul are only exposed to one. Each time he breaks up it's always of mutual agreement from both parties. Kyungsoo is not one to go around breaking hearts, not one to leave people scars.

 

 

 

But somehow; somehow he always finds a new scar on his own heart.

 

Watching his partners' backs once they break it off, every step they take walking away from him echoes loudly in his ears to amplify the hollowness he feels inside. Because even though he wasn't in love with _them_ , and they weren't in love with _him_ , every break up signifies how _love_ isn't in love with _him_.

 

Kyungsoo chases and chases and chases, but love never looks back.

 

And so Kyungsoo bears and bears and _bears_.

 

 

 

Love can hurt, Kyungsoo knows.

 

(But because love requires _sacrifice_ , Kyungsoo is willing to hurt.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin is in love,

 

with the idea of being in love.

 

 

 

His fingers itch as he imagines having another set to fit between his own, hand in hand as they stroll through the parks in fall. On Sundays when he has nothing to do he wonders what it would feel like to have someone beside him on the sofa, skimming through random channels on the tv, maybe exchange pecks in between. Innocent little pecks that would soon turn into slow kisses, those kinds where he can express all of his affection without the use of even a single word.

 

Can one really drown in the depths of another's eyes when gazes become stares? Can two bodies really fit like puzzle pieces in an embrace, both soul and heart entwined?

 

And so he longs; for someone for him to care for, and for someone to care for him like nobody else outside his family would. Someone to protect with all he has, to keep safe in his arms. Someone he can come to when classes and practices and work and _life_ in general become too much, ready to welcome him and wipe away his sweat and tears – someone to call _home_ , no matter the time and place.

 

( _Always_ , he thinks, for true love is unconditional.)

 

To love someone, and to let himself be loved, is equivalent to trusting someone, and to let himself be trusted – so much so that two people has one another's life in their hands. To love means to divide sorrow into two, and multiply happiness by two, because even if there are two bodies, two hearts are merged into one.

 

Love is a big thing, Jongin knows.

 

 

 

There's a lot more he sees in _love_ , yet a lot more he doesn't know; but what he knows are enough, and what he wants to learn, he watches from afar.

 

And so Jongin waits for it.

 

Kim Jongin is a person infamous for his good looks, good grades, talents, and yet has never been in a relationship. At age twenty-four, he stands as and untouchable figure who people can only ever admire from afar, because no matter what they do or what they say, Jongin will always turn them down without so much of an eyelash simply because he sees no _spark_.

 

He is not a cold person, no. Jongin cares for people's feelings. He values them as he values his own. Which is why he saves them from further heartbreak by turning them down when they confess, because falling into a relationship where only one bears and nurtures feelings for the other is not his ideal image of love – he is not willing to give people false hope when there is no hope in the beginning. And everytime he apologises, he does it with a warm and apologetic smile, instead of cold eyes.

 

 

 

But somehow; somehow, Jongin always finds himself feeling cold in the heart.

 

Watching people's tears as they cascade down cheeks, every drop drenches his heart and stains it with something cold to make it clench with hurt and _guilt_. And the worst thing is that he can't do anything about it, because even though they claim they are in love with him, Jongin wonders if they are in love with the idea of dating him instead – hence why he doesn't bother to try, because he believes love will only come with the right _one_.

 

Jongin waits and waits and waits, but love never found him.

 

And so Jongin pushes and pushes and _pushes_ away people.

 

 

 

Love can hurt, Jongin knows.

 

(But because love requires _patience_ , Jongin is willing to endure.)

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

But because Kyungsoo has been left and left and left, he begins to wonder if it isn't love that's at fault, but him. What if all those people he dated didn't find love in him, because—

 

because he isn't good enough.

 

Not pretty or handsome enough, not smart enough, not humble enough, not loud enough, not brave enough.

 

Just.

 

Just not _enough_.

 

 

 

And because Jongin has been observing and observing and observing, he begins to believe that love really makes people blind. All those people he turned down were just in love with—

 

with the image of him.

 

With his looks, with his talents, with his brain, with his body, with his manners.

 

And not—

 

Not with _him_.

 

 

 

And they don't realise that the real problem here is that:

 

1\. while love demands acceptance as Kyungsoo so claim he knows, deep down he can't accept _himself_.

 

2\. while love demands trust as Jongin so claim he knows, deep down he can't trust _anyone_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Do Kyungsoo meets Kim Jongin, and Kim Jongin meets Do Kyungsoo, is somewhere between summer and fall, when the leaves have just started to take on ranging hues of browns and oranges and yellows.

 

There is nothing visibly magnificent in the way they first laid eyes on one another. Nothing grand to boast, and pretty cliché as well unless one believes that love at first sight is impossible.

 

But that's—

 

 

That's exactly what happens.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk abt a continuation yet..I wanted to make this smthing like how two people find their way to each other (to love?) together despite their personal issues and beliefs. but i'm not rly good in in-depth stuff and i hv a lot on my plate rn so we'll see.


End file.
